Ivan Zhilin

This film tells the stories of five Russian families who have lost children, mothers, fathers, and grandchildren to shelling. What secret memories do they hold of their departed loved ones? Who do they hold responsible for these deaths? And how do they view the world now? These are the heartfelt monologues of people who have endured the unthinkable yet still retain their capacity for compassion. In this moment, nothing is more important than their words. Over the two years of military action in Ukraine, the UN estimates that more than 10,000 civilians have died—and the shells continue to claim lives every day. Novaya journalists are unable to access Ukrainian territory due to censorship and cannot fully tell the stories of what is happening there.

Since February 2022, hundreds of thousands of Russians have passed through the front lines. They return home changed—shaped by experiences beyond imagination. They’ve seen shells tear their friends apart, dogs eat corpses. They’ve slept on dead bodies. And they’ve pulled the trigger themselves. How has this changed them? What do they think about the war? Can they find their place in peaceful life? We came to these men with questions that trouble us as well. Eighteen men speak about the terrifying events they took part in. About the choices they made. And how they now judge those choices. Their shared story as men is one of the greatest tragedies to have befallen our country in recent decades.