Zachary Shatzer

It’s the year 2762. The galaxy is plagued with warring factions using hokey special effects to destroy each other. Out of this chaos a hero rises: the dashing, exquisitely bearded Captain Saber Raine (Casper Van Dien). Saber and his elite squad of commandos (other actors) embark on a dangerous quest to save the Prince and Princess of an unnamed planet from the clutches of the Evil Overlord Sinjin - an overlord so evil HIS VERY SKULL IS FILLED WITH CHERRY JELL-O. Can our heroes fend off Sinjin’s army of mutant androids and rescue the Prince and Princess? Probably! After all it’s Space Opera, but you never know! Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for an unforgettable Sword-And-Laser Swashbuckling-ly fun time, beamed to theaters nationwide!

He’s back! You probably didn’t know that he was gone, but he was and now he’s back! Swamp Thing, AKA Swampington Montgomery Thing, returns to thwart the sinister plans of the evil Doctor Arcane, who apparently is also back. But! Here for the first time is Heather Locklear, the young woman who is drawn to the mysterious charms of Mr. Thing and desires a love that is both human and plant-based. A sequel to the Wes Craven cult classic, The Return of Swamp Thing is decidedly NOT directed by Wes Craven, but that’s fine, because it means this one is bigger, more fun, and way more riffable. Plus, to kick things off, a puppet goes to the dentist in Danny's Dental Date, a short that's way scarier than anything you'd find in Dr. Arcane's lab.

Star Wars: lots of people hate it, and those are just its biggest fans. But even if you’re a casual Star Wars fan who can’t tell Jyn Erso from Jizz Wailing, you have to admit, it inspired a whole lot of crap. Hunks of Junk is a collection of this crap, which a generous critic might say was “inspired by Star Wars” and a more accurate critic might say “appears to be at least 60% stolen footage from Star Wars.” There’s Turkish Star Wars, Japanese Star Wars, Italian Star Wars, He-Man Star Wars, John Boy Star Wars, direct-to-video Ewok Star Wars, animated Star Wars, even Donny and Marie Star Wars. We’ve even riffed Ernest Cline’s Fanboys, which shows that the author of Ready Player One can write a deeply emotional work without relying on tired pop culture references (we’re kidding, it’s worse than his poetry). Mike, Kevin, and Bill provide bantha fodder, er, host segments in between riffs. So what are you waiting for? Get into the garbage chute, flyboy, it’s time for Hunks of Junk!