Michael Louis Huffstutler II

Quaid Branson is abducted by aliens on the night of his engagement celebration and abruptly sent off to the Darovingian Mines; an asteroid slave mining colony on the outer rim of the galaxy. After toiling away for 7 years, he finally meets Ezekiel Plymouth and manages to engineer their harrowing escape and return to earth with grave and dire consequences for the entire planet.

A coven of ancient witches begin to conjure a demon with a blood sacrifice - "But cutting myself HURRRRRTS. NO!"