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Conor Lastowka

Conor Lastowka

Writing

Biography

Conor Lastowka is a senior writer-producer who has worked at RiffTrax since day one. He performs as the voice of Disembaudio, the designated sync companion, on RiffTrax mp3 tracks.

Known For

Hunks of Junk

Star Wars: lots of people hate it, and those are just its biggest fans. But even if you’re a casual Star Wars fan who can’t tell Jyn Erso from Jizz Wailing, you have to admit, it inspired a whole lot of crap. Hunks of Junk is a collection of this crap, which a generous critic might say was “inspired by Star Wars” and a more accurate critic might say “appears to be at least 60% stolen footage from Star Wars.” There’s Turkish Star Wars, Japanese Star Wars, Italian Star Wars, He-Man Star Wars, John Boy Star Wars, direct-to-video Ewok Star Wars, animated Star Wars, even Donny and Marie Star Wars. We’ve even riffed Ernest Cline’s Fanboys, which shows that the author of Ready Player One can write a deeply emotional work without relying on tired pop culture references (we’re kidding, it’s worse than his poetry). Mike, Kevin, and Bill provide bantha fodder, er, host segments in between riffs. So what are you waiting for? Get into the garbage chute, flyboy, it’s time for Hunks of Junk!

Hunks of Junk

2026Movie
RiffTrax Live: Timecop
10.0

In the futuristic world of 2004, Jean-Claude Van Damme isn’t just doing leg splits, he’s splitting the very barriers of space and time. Get ready for TIMECOP! Yes, it’s one word! After the death of his wife (Mia Sara) at the hands of time-traveling goons, Jean-Claude Van Damme is recruited to an elite task force of time-based police officers. Why does the government have an elite task force of time-based police officers? TIMECOP may, or may not, have answers to that perfectly reasonable question! Unfortunately, a U.S. Senator (Ron Silver) has gained access to their system of time travel and he’s using it to commit unspeakable evils – huge campaign finance violations – across generations. Imagine a nightmarish world where stuff like THAT happens. You can’t! Will the Timecops stop the senator in time to save the future?

RiffTrax Live: Timecop

2025Movie
RiffTrax Live: House on Haunted Hill
8.5

Is there any possible downside to accepting an invitation from Vincent Price to spend an evening in a creepy mansion that was built on something called “Haunted Hill?” If so, Mike, Kevin and Bill couldn’t find it! In fact they were so eager to join Mr. Price and his terrifying moustache that they riffed the film live, on-stage, and now you can reap the rewards from the safety of home with this live show DVD! Yes, horror classic House on Haunted Hill provides a mesmerizing walk down “people actually used to find this SCARY?!?” lane. Join the RiffTrax guys as they bring their special brand of rapid-fire comedic commentary to every skeleton-hanging-from-visible-wires, clumsy sexual overtone, and a stunningly inept test pilot whose “heroics” typically lead him to bloody his own nose after locking himself in a broom closet!

RiffTrax Live: House on Haunted Hill

2010Movie
Rifftrax Live: Starship Troopers
10.0

Starship Troopers is the tale of young trooper Johnny Rico, played by Casper Van Dien, star of this and...well, some direct to video sequels of this, mostly. He’s joined in the war by Denise Richards, impossible to believe as a gifted starship pilot long before she was impossible to believe as a gifted nuclear scientist in that Bond movie. He’s also joined by the great Neil Patrick Harris, who is somehow much easier to believe as an intelligence officer with psychic abilities that help him communicate with the giant bug aliens. Throw in Michael Ironside, because duh, it’s a war movie, you’re gonna need Michael Ironside, and Jake Busey, because duh, he just showed up on set and wouldn’t leave, add a love triangle, heaps of alien splatter, and you’ve got the sprawling, great, goofy mess that is Starship Troopers! Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this gorilla-gram free version of the blockbuster live show!

Rifftrax Live: Starship Troopers

2013Movie
RiffTrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing
5.5

He’s back! You probably didn’t know that he was gone, but he was and now he’s back! Swamp Thing, AKA Swampington Montgomery Thing, returns to thwart the sinister plans of the evil Doctor Arcane, who apparently is also back. But! Here for the first time is Heather Locklear, the young woman who is drawn to the mysterious charms of Mr. Thing and desires a love that is both human and plant-based. A sequel to the Wes Craven cult classic, The Return of Swamp Thing is decidedly NOT directed by Wes Craven, but that’s fine, because it means this one is bigger, more fun, and way more riffable. Plus, to kick things off, a puppet goes to the dentist in Danny's Dental Date, a short that's way scarier than anything you'd find in Dr. Arcane's lab.

RiffTrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing

2022Movie