Beware the White Monster

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

In a blue-collar American town, a group of teens bands together to form the Dandies, a gang of gunslingers led by Dick Dandelion. Following a code of strict pacifism at odds with the fact that they all carry guns, the group eventually lets in Sebastian, the grandson of Dick's childhood nanny, Clarabelle, who fears the other gangs in the area. Dick and company try to protect Clarabelle, but events transpire that push the gang past posturing.

Mary and her friend, Rachel, are new students at St. Francis Academy, a boarding school run by the iron fist of Mother Superior. The immature teens grow bored and begin playing pranks on both the unsuspecting nuns and their unpleasant classmates, becoming a constant thorn in Mother Superior's side. However, as the years pass, Mary and Rachel slowly mature and begin to see the nuns in a different light.

The evil Iago pretends to be friend of Othello in order to manipulate him to serve his own end in the film version of this Shakespeare classic.

Bumbling lieutenant Frank Drebin is out to foil the big boys in the energy industry, who intend to suppress technology that will put them out of business.

In an English village, a reporter and a mechanic listen to a ratcatcher explain his clever plan to outwit his prey.

Disgrace is the story of a South African professor of English who loses everything: his reputation, his job, his peace of mind, his good looks, his dreams of artistic success, and finally even his ability to protect his cherished daughter. After having an affair with a student, he moves to the Eastern Cape, where he gets caught up in a mess of post-apartheid politics.

In a totalitarian future society, a man whose daily work is rewriting history tries to rebel by falling in love.

Two high school misfits join forces in an attempt to overtake the local school board. Guided by their families, they enter the perilous word of politics and, in the process, learn a thing or two about love.

In a seemingly perfect community, without war, pain, suffering, differences or choice, a young boy is chosen to learn from an elderly man about the true pain and pleasure of the "real" world.

Lifelong best friends, Sam and Jess, are each other’s everything. But when Jess meets a handsome out-of-stater, Landon, Sam begins to fear she’s being cast aside. To make matters worse, a massive corporation - who happens to be Landon’s employer - is threatening the small-town way of life they know and love in Vermont. In order to save her sisterhood and protect the town, Sam will pull out all the stops to keep both Jess’s relationship and the ominous company from developing any further.

Although Brad has a satisfying career, a sweet wife and a comfortable life in suburban Sacramento, things aren't quite what he imagined during his college glory days. When he accompanies his musical prodigy son on a university tour, he can't help comparing his life with those of his four best college friends who seemingly have more wealthy and glamorous lives. But when circumstances force him to reconnect with his former friends, Brad begins to question whether he has really failed or if their lives are actually more flawed than they appear.

Walter Lee Younger is a young man struggling with his station in life. Sharing a tiny apartment with his wife, son, sister and mother, he seems like an imprisoned man. Until, that is, the family gets an unexpected financial windfall.

A campus culture war between Blacks and whites at a predominantly white Ivy League college comes to a head when the staff of a satirical magazine stages an offensive Halloween party.

A snobbish phonetics professor agrees to a wager that he can take a flower girl and make her presentable in high society.

Michael Moore comes home to the issue he's been examining throughout his career: the disastrous impact of corporate dominance on the everyday lives of Americans (and by default, the rest of the world).

A series of eerie events thrusts an unlikely trio onto the trail of a nefarious government conspiracy lurking directly beneath their neighborhood.

In his New Jersey study, Richard Nixon retraces the missteps of his political career, attempting to absolve himself of responsibility for Watergate and lambasting President Gerald Ford's decision to pardon him. His monologue explores his personal life and describes his upbringing and his mother. A tape recorder, a gun and whiskey are his only companions during his entire monologue, which is tinged with the vitriol and paranoia that puzzled the public during his presidency.

In an alternate present, genetically enhanced humans dominate society. Outcasts Leon and Chloe fight for justice against corrupt politicians exploiting genetic disparity, risking everything to challenge the oppressive system.

A documentary on the expletive's origin, why it offends some people so deeply, and what can be gained from its use.