This Isn't Twilight: The XXX Parody

Mark wants to lose his virginity, but his girlfriend wants to wait. Unfortunately for both of them, a 400-year-old vampire Countess needs to turn a virgin into a vampire before Halloween in order to preserve her own youthful appearance, and when she finds Mark, she turns his life upside-down.

When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.

Tony, a thirteen-year-old boy on vacation in rural Germany, is fascinated by the idea of vampires. Meanwhile Rudolph, a vampire of "similar" age (313!), encounters trouble when his clan is threatened by a dangerously obsessed hunter. Fate brings these two boys together, as Tony & Rudolph set off an action-packed battle to stop the villain, save Rudolph's family and learn the power of friendship.

After three years of therapy Charley Brewster, now a college student, is convinced that Jerry Dandridge was a serial killer posing as a vampire. But when Regine, a mysterious actress and her entourage move into Peter Vincent's apartment block, the nightmare starts again - and this time it's personal!

The Cavalcade of Perversion, a traveling freak show, acts as a front for Divine, who is out for blood after discovering her lover's affair.

When two bumbling employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to rise again as zombies.

After killing her husband, Peggy Gravel and her murderous maid Grizelda wind up in the crazy town of Mortville, where Queen Carlotta presides over a sleazy collection of misfits.

Vampires have just made themselves public! Now a group of documentarians have been granted access to spend some time with them and learn how they live and coexist with humans. But as reality sets in, the crew realize they are in for far more than they bargained for.

Dave, an artist who has yet to complete anything significant in his career, builds a fort in his living room out of pure frustration, only to wind up trapped by the fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and critters of his own creation. Ignoring his warnings, Dave’s girlfriend Annie leads a band of oddball explorers on a rescue mission. Once inside, they find themselves trapped in an ever-changing supernatural world, threatened by booby traps and pursued by a bloodthirsty Minotaur.

Sam is a teenage royal rebel, second in line to the throne of the kingdom of Illyria. Just as her disinterest in the royal way of life is at an all-time high, she discovers she has super-human abilities and is invited to join a secret society of similar extraordinary second-born royals charged with keeping the world safe.

Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sunscreen to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.

Heidi, star of the "Meet The Feebles Variety Hour" discovers her lover Bletch the Walrus is cheating on her. And with all the world waiting for the show, the assorted co-stars must contend with drug addiction, extortion, robbery, disease, drug dealing, and murder.

B-movie Legend Bruce Campbell is mistaken for his character Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy and forced to fight a real monster in a small town in Oregon.

When a lawyer shows up at the vampire's doorstep, he falls prey to his charms and joins him in his search for fresh blood. Enter Professor Van Helsing, who may be the only one able to vanquish the Count.

Geeky 14-year old Ethan is left to babysit his younger sister, Jane, with his best friend Benny but after Ethan inadvertently puts Jane in harm's way, his parents hire a professional babysitter, the beautiful yet mysterious 17-year-old Sarah who, unbeknownst to them, is actually a fledgling vampire.

Private eye Rafe Guttman is hired by repressed, born-again Katherine to find her missing bad-boy brother. The trail leads him to a whorehouse run by a thousand-year-old vampire and secretly backed by Katherine's boss, televangelist Jimmy Current.

While doing the inventory for a lingerie outlet in a high rise office building, five attractive women are terrorized by a series of bizarre killings. They suspect that the strange janitor, who witnessed another series of killings years back, is at the bottom of the whole thing. Little do they know the real horror that they face in the end.

A noted professor and his dim-witted apprentice fall prey to their inquiring vampires, while on the trail of the ominous damsel in distress.

After an aging voodoo priestess dies, her arrogant son Willis Daniel's believes he is next in line to lead. He is outraged when Lisa, his mother's adopted apprentice is chosen as the leader. Willis seeks revenge by reviving the African prince Blacula — but soon finds that he cannot control him.

When an Iraq War veteran receives a calling from a higher power, he embarks on a mission to stop a fallen angel from raising an army of the dead to take over the world.