The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

Miles Monroe, a clarinet-playing health food store proprietor, is revived out of cryostasis 200 years into a future world in order to help rebels fight an oppressive government regime.

Luke Skywalker embarks on a mission to destroy an Imperial base, but is relentlessly chased by a group of fanatic girls who think of him as a celebrity. Meanwhile, Darth Vader engages a rivalry with Darth Maul, in order to prove that he's the best Sith Lord.

ZIM discovers his almighty leaders never had any intention of coming to Earth and he loses confidence in himself for the first time in his life, which is the big break his human nemesis, Dib has been waiting for.

When scientists use eco-terrorism to impose their will on the world by affecting extremes in the weather, Intelligence Chief Cramden calls in top agent Derek Flint.

With the help of an ancient Kryptonian power, Lex Luthor unites the world’s Super-Villains to capture all of Earth's Super Heroes, until…only the DC Super Hero Girls are left to stop the Legion of Doom. Our heroes must cross dimensions to rescue their fellow Super Heroes from the Phantom Zone, but a fortuitous wrong turn leads them to Titans Tower – where they find much-needed allies in the Teen Titans!

A young man finds out that he holds the key to restoring hope and ensuring survival for the human race, while an alien species called the Drej are bent on mankind's destruction.

When an alien race and factions within Starfleet attempt to take over a planet that has "regenerative" properties, it falls upon Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise to defend the planet's people as well as the very ideals upon which the Federation itself was founded.

As they enter sophomore year at Monster High, Clawdeen Wolf, Draculaura and Frankie Stein face new students, new powers, and an even bigger threat that could not only tear their friendship apart but could change the world forever.

One night Jefferson Reed gets hit in the chest by a souped-up chunk of meteor. So he can fly, but he's scared of heights. He can master the information in any book ... for about thirty seconds. Now his friends and family want him to protect their community from the dreaded Golden Lords.

A recently orphaned 15-year-old who has moved to a small town to live with her uncle befriends a robotic canine with super strength, x-ray vision and the ability to talk and the pair take on a military complex, bullies, kidnappers, romance and the world.

The unassuming, nebbishy inventor Sidney Stratton creates a miraculous fabric that will never be dirty or worn out. Clearly he can make a fortune selling clothes made of the material, but may cause a crisis in the process. After all, once someone buys one of his suits they won't ever have to fix them or buy another one, and the clothing industry will collapse overnight. Nevertheless, Sidney is determined to put his invention on the market, forcing the clothing factory bigwigs to resort to more desperate measures...

Sam is a teenage royal rebel, second in line to the throne of the kingdom of Illyria. Just as her disinterest in the royal way of life is at an all-time high, she discovers she has super-human abilities and is invited to join a secret society of similar extraordinary second-born royals charged with keeping the world safe.

An alien intending to claim Earth for his people before their homeworld is destroyed by a comet decides not to eliminate humanity when he hears their music. Instead, he lives among them until another alien is sent to find and kill him.

What was a cunning plan from Lord Edmund Blackadder V to fake a time machine on his gullibly incompetent friends, turns out to be the real thing and hurls him and his imbecile underling, Baldrick, through the course of human history.

When Earth astronaut Capt. Chuck Baker arrives on Planet 51 -- a world reminiscent of American suburbia circa 1950 -- he tries to avoid capture, recover his spaceship and make it home safely, all with the help of an empathetic little green being.

Groot discovers a miniature civilization that believes the seemingly enormous tree toddler is the hero they’ve been waiting for.

Leela becomes an outlaw when she and a group of ecologically-minded feminists attempt to save an asteroid of primitive life forms and the Violet Dwarf star from being destroyed, while Fry joins a secret society and attempts to stop a mysterious species known as the "Dark Ones" from destroying all life in the universe.

This instalment of Babylon 5 is in two parts: the first is about an entity that has possessed a worker. Colonel Lochley prevents a priest from performing an exorcism. The host is returned to Earth. The second has Galen trying to dupe President Sheridan into assassinating the future Centauri emperor to stop him from attacking Earth in around 30 years time.

A blast from Ben's past returns to do double the damage on Team Tennyson and planet Earth itself, forcing Ben to go interstellar to save the day. Based on the 2016 reboot.

Phineas and Ferb travel across the galaxy to rescue their older sister Candace, who has been abducted by aliens and taken to a utopia in a far-off planet, free of her pesky little brothers.