Absolutely Fucked

Jones is a secret agent who has gone into semi-retirement, concentrating instead on teaching the martial arts to inner city youths. The karate school is run by a kindly old coot named Pops. His gambling debts, however, bring the local thug, Pinky, down on him. To make matters worse, Pinky is then hired by some white thugs who want to get a hold of the property Pops' school occupies so they can build a shopping mall. When things get heavy, Black Belt Jones leaps into action. Only he's not alone. Pops' daughter, Sidney, shows up to lend a hand, proving herself every bit as agile and powerful a martial artist as Jones.

Chip's problem is that he can't say no to beautiful women. This weakness gets him into a world of trouble when he agrees to help his girlfriend steal $68,000.

Heavyweight Champ George "Iceman" Chambers is sent to a Russian jail on trumped-up drug charges. In order to win his freedom he must fight against the jailhouse fighting champ Uri Boyka in a battle to the death. This time he is not fighting for a title, he is fighting for his life!

A voluptuous black woman takes a job as a high-class prostitute in order to get revenge on the mobsters who murdered her boyfriend.

The clumsy and unfunny clown Richard "Stitches" Grindle entertains at the 10th birthday party of little Tom, but the boy and his friends play a prank with Stitches, tying his shoelaces. Stitches slips, falls and dies. Six years later, Tom gives a birthday party for his friends at home, but Stitches revives to haunt the teenagers and revenge his death.

After killing her husband, Peggy Gravel and her murderous maid Grizelda wind up in the crazy town of Mortville, where Queen Carlotta presides over a sleazy collection of misfits.

A graduate student and martial-arts expert rents a room in a house owned by a single mother who lives there with her son. A local street gang is trying to recruit the son, but the new tenant tries to help the boy's mother keep him out of the gang. When they learn of this, they target both the mother and her new tenant.

Andy is a new teacher at an inner city high school that is unlike any he has seen before. There are metal detectors at the front door and the place is basically run by a tough kid named Peter Stegman. Soon, Andy and Stegman become enemies and Stegman will stop at nothing to protect his turf and drug dealing business.

Police officer Tom Sharky gets busted back to working vice, where he happens upon a scandalous conspiracy involving a local politician. Sharky's new 'machine' gathers evidence while Sharky falls in love with a woman he has never met.

Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Wee Man and the rest of their fearless and foolhardy friends take part in another round of outrageous pranks and stunts. In addition to standing in the path of a charging bull, launching themselves into the air and crashing through various objects, the guys perform in segments such as "Sweatsuit Cocktail," "Beehive Tetherball" and "Lamborghini Tooth Pull."

Former SWAT leader David Hendrix and hard-partying movie star Brody Walker must cut their ride-along short when a police training facility is attacked by a team of mercenaries.

A former assassin, known simply as The Bride, wakes from a coma four years after her jealous ex-lover Bill attempts to murder her on her wedding day. Fueled by an insatiable desire for revenge, she vows to get even with every person who contributed to the loss of her unborn child, her entire wedding party, and four years of her life. After devising a hit list, The Bride sets off on her quest, enduring unspeakable injury and unscrupulous enemies.

Nico Toscani is an Italian immigrant, American patriot, ex-CIA agent, aikido specialist and unorthodox Chicago policeman. He is as committed to his job as he is to his personalized brand of justice—expert and thorough bone-crushing.

An American with a Japanese upbringing, Chris Kenner is a police officer assigned to the Little Tokyo section of Los Angeles. Kenner is partnered with Johnny Murata, a Japanese-American who isn't in touch with his roots. Despite their differences, both men excel at martial arts, and utilize their formidable skills when they go up against Yoshida, a vicious yakuza drug dealer with ties to Kenner's past.

A devout Mormon living in L.A. becomes a pornographic actor after his martial arts moves impress a big-time director.

Mike Fallon, the Accident Man, is a stone cold killer. When a loved one is murdered by his own crew, Fallon is forced to avenge the one person who actually meant something to him.

An urban love story set on the hard streets of the Bronx. A struggling female pimp, named Wednesday, grows up learning the game from her dad. Once he's gone she's left to look out for her prostitute mother and girlfriend Nikki.

Three elderly distinguished gentlemen are searching for some excitement in their boring borgoueis lives and gets in contact with one of count Dracula's servants. In a nightly ceremony they restore the count back to life. The three men killed Dracula's servant and as a revenge, the count makes sure that the gentlemen are killed one by one by their own sons.

When an inner-city Miami schoolteacher gets her knee broken after standing up to the school's gang leader, her mercenary combat specialist boyfriend goes undercover as a substitute teacher to take down the punk. Soon he discovers a conspiracy of criminals at work, and must reassemble his team from his last jungle raid to stop them.

While doing the inventory for a lingerie outlet in a high rise office building, five attractive women are terrorized by a series of bizarre killings. They suspect that the strange janitor, who witnessed another series of killings years back, is at the bottom of the whole thing. Little do they know the real horror that they face in the end.